by the time I got to my age IĎd have picked up a certain amount
of common sense about some things. I suppose itís just too much
to ask. I am constantly amazed at some of the dumb things I do.
Iíve talked to other men and find I am not alone in this manner.
It seems that most men, or at least American men, do things and
then read the directions. I bet most of you out there have assembled
something and then found several pieces left over. You were then
faced with two options, starting over or throwing them away since
you figured they werenít needed in the first place. Most of us just
chunked them and made the decision that we could live with what
had been created, even if it was less than perfect. Itís only later
that we find that the missing parts were necessary for some seldom
used, but desirable function, but by the time we found we couldnít
make the thing work due to our assembly error, we also discovered
that we had misplaced the parts along with the instruction manual,
so weíre forced to accept this as a form of karma or fate. Of course
this results in some creative thinking to make up for our initial
ďYou could use the blender for that, but since I lost the top to
it, just stick a bunch of paper towels over it and have at it, it
should be ok.Ē Or how aboutÖĒ I took the discharge thingy off of
the lawn mower and donít remember what I did with it, so be careful
and donít stick your feet close to it when you get it started.Ē
Events such as these are the nuts and bolts of emergency rooms throughout
the country. I canít begin to tell you how many times I have come
close to losing several of my vital body parts by doing dumb things
with the garbage disposal. Gun control is one thing; disposal control
to me is much more dangerous. Legislation is definitely needed in
Donít get me started on medication. Iíve always believed if they
say take one, then taking two will just speed up the process and
make you get well that much faster. This is wrong, wrong, wrong.
My brain cannot process small pills. For medicine to be effective,
I need large, giant pills. When I see a small tablet the size of
a pencil point, I just say to myselfÖĒThat canít be too potent,
look how small it isÖ.Ē Needless to say this is one of my dumber
moves and not one I repeat very often since it tends to make you
either crazy, sicker than you were a potential candidate for emergency
room treatment or all of the above.
this past week I racked up another one for the family history book.
I suppose my kids and grandkids will have enough to laugh about
for generations to come after Iím long gone.
In my garage at home sits an old blue pickup truck which I use for
hauling stuff like trees, bushes and various things from the hardware
store. This truck has a leaking gas tank. Now, since I donít use
it very often, it isnít high on my list of things to fix. I took
it out the other day and filled it up, forgetting that the tank
was still leaking. So what happens, the stuff leaks out all over
the garage floor. Now this is bad enough, but the real problem is
the fumes. These seem to accumulate in the car I drive each day.
By the time I get to work, Iím about half goofy from breathing gasoline
fumes all the way to the office. Iím also getting a headache and
start taking sinus medication thinking itís the stuff in the trees
My son, who has a college degree and is much smarter than me gets
in my car the other day to go to lunch and nearly passes out from
the gas fumes. He insists I pull the truck out of the garage, which
I do. He insists I clean up the gasoline on the floor, which I do.
He suggests that I might want to get some air freshener to spray
inside of the car to make the smell go away.
Now, this is where my brain goes haywire. I proceed to drive to
the local car wash where I know they have a varied assortment of
But, do I do what a sane person should do and buy just one and use
No, not on your life. I buy four. The clerk should have stopped
me. Iím out of control.
Then I spray all of them inside the car, thinking they canít all
be very powerful, can they?
Now, I have a car that has a gasoline, vanilla, citrus, strawberry,
watermelon smell to it. Itís very hard to describe. Youíd have to
sit in it to believe it. My throat has seized up and my nose has
closed for the season. Iím glad I donít have to sell this car anytime
soon; I bet Iíd have to pay someone to take it off of my hands.
More lessons to learn.
You wonít have
any trouble recognizing me; Iím the doofus riding around in the
rain with his windows down. I probably need to take four or five
© Peary Perry
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