Columns
Who
wants you, baby? 4-17-06
Kids
in Sales, Oliver Twist, 21st Century Style 4-1-06
Strange
Sightings I Have Known 3-14-06
The
wrong side of the mountain 2-28-06
Kid
Destroying Stuff 1-17-06
Dear
People of the Future 1-2-06
Identity
Theft 12-15-05
Thanksgiving
Freakout 11-26-05
Excuse
Note 10-19-05
Snakes
or Having a Hissing Fit 9-1-05
“We
have nothing to fear except fear itself, and snakes..."
Sleeping
over with the enemy 8-15-05
"I agreed to help host a sleepover for 9 seven-year-old
girls. What a fool this mortal be."
The
Sweat and the Fury 8-1-05
Heat
Advisory for the Inept 7-15-05
Wouldn’t
it be cool 7-1-05
Itchy
Problem 6-16-05
Spring
Pledge Drive 6-1-05
A
Touchy Subject 5-15-05
"My aversion to hugging has been well documented..."
Directions
for Proper Use 5-1-05
Instruction manual to insure that your “Stumbling Forward” experience
is safe and rewarding.
A
Spring Clean Getaway 4-24-05
(One-year sabbatical)
A
modest Texas proposal 5-19-04
Our official state motto and our State of Texas Pledge of Allegiance
Updating
our sayings for the 21st century
Suffering
from the Clap
I've previously noted that people who clap at movie theaters irritate
me. Doesn't make a lot of sense, unless you're going to start, while
alone in your house, clapping for books you like, paintings you
appreciate, or if you make an especially good grilled cheese sandwich,
give yourself a standing ovation.
Directions
Swing Set Assembly Made Easy
Dancing
around a problem
99% of men can be put into one of two categories when it comes to
dancing: those who hate dancing and those who hate dancing but pretend
to like it to keep their wives happy.
Sniffing
at Allergies
A
Man's Guide to Housework
"We here at the Unsolicited and Possibly Dangerous Center of
Advice have come up with some helpful hints for homemaking for men."
The
Difficulty of Meeting Expectations
I've come to believe that the committee meeting is the blight of
America. It is sapping our strength, destroying our initiative,
and making it almost impossible to get anything done. And they're
real boring.
Flying
the Unfriendly Skies
The
Secret of Nonverbal Communication
School
Spirit
Lament
of the unspirited
Gender
Benders
The
Truth about Men and Women
The nature of child-rearing
Intro
for "Stumbling Forward"
Can
John Gosselink save small town newspapers? by the Editor
Column Begins
August 17, 2003 |
John Gosselink
John Gosselink
is another example of how hippies, the Vietnam War, and Rice-a-Roni
really screwed up this country. Born in the San Francisco Bay Area
during 1967's "Summer of Love," with his father returning from Vietnam
war and his mother teaching liberal arts at the time, Gosselink would
be a walking cliché for the excesses of the '60's if he were a bit
more interesting.
In the early '70's, his family moved to Houston and he had a typical
childhood of wedgies, gun-running in Costa Rica, Hooked On Phonics,
and transcendental meditation. After graduation, his guidance counselor's
testing indicated his aptitudes would lead to career of occasional
odd jobs and aluminum can collecting while living in his parents'
basement. Sadly, his parents didn't have a basement.
So he spent the next decade going to state universities named after
Texas founding fathers, staying at each long enough until they gave
him a diploma so he'd go away. He soon found a woman with poor eyesight
to marry him, and now has two beautiful, intelligent daughters whose
very existence raise questions about Mendel's theories of genetic
inheritance.
He is currently writing and working as a migratory composition teacher
in the Central Texas area, figuring if he teaches his students to
write badly, it will lessen the competition. His home camp is in the
river bottom outside of Smithville.
Gosselink has won many pretend awards, including "Most Likely to Get
A Communicable Rash," "First writer to use the words 'pudding' and
'back-hoe' in the same sentence," and Texas Escape's prestigious "Second
humor writer on our site with a Dutch surname - we think."
When not writing poorly, Gosselink likes to spend his time shouting
incoherently at the Amish, rooting out communists at the tax assessor
office, working on his experimental kabuki opera, renaming his pets
just to confuse them, and making up "trying too hard to be clever"
autobiographies.
© John Gosselink
John
Gosselink's
"Stumbling Forward" website: www.stumblingguy.com
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