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 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :

As the World Turns the Guiding Light

by Peary Perry
Peary Perry

Thank God I only have two knees. One was fixed some thirty five years ago and the other was replaced about two weeks ago. I should be good to go for another fifteen or twenty years. If I had any more to repair I think I would have to drink poison or something. Sitting around the house is not any fun for me; it is boring with a capital ĎBí.

I seldom get time to watch daytime television, and after a solid week of it, cannot figure out whey they even have any programming on at all, itís all so bad. I basically got tired of watching the hair grow back on my legs where they operated and was led into a life of ďAs the world turnsĒ, ďGeneral HospitalĒ and some other soap opera about vampires. I still canít figure that one out. Maybe itís the pain medication. Itís beyond me how anyone can get hooked on these things, they are so predicable. I donít think Iíve seen one in twenty or thirty years, but they havenít changed. All of the actors seem to practice staring a lot.

ďJennifer has a car wreck and the male passenger with her is seriously injuredÖ.Jenniferís husband (Brad) is upset and refuses to believe her story about this being one of the members of her adult bible study. What is the truth?Ē

ďJason comes home late from drinking with his friends and tells his wife that he was abducted against his will by a group of aliens pretending to be old college chums.Ē

ďWho is the real father of Leslieís baby?Ē

To make matters worse, my cable goes out and Iím reduced to about five channels. I call the cable people and they tell me it will be a week before they can come out and repair it. I canít get off the couch to do anything and am about to go nuts watching the soaps and the news. Both of which can make you question your sanity. I finally get the cable people back on the line and plead for mercy, I may have cried, I donít recall. They send a technician out to fix the problem, but in the course of making the repairs he tells me this story about how gruesome the surgery was on his girlfriendsí back. I canít leave and know I am about to pass out while he describes all of the gory details of her operation. Finally he finishes and Iím back on track to watch some quality programming.

This being the Fourth of July week, all of the old movies are war movies, which Iíve seen a thousand times. I sit through Midway twice and when you can remember the words of the Japanese, you know you should quit. Iíve seen Gaslight more times than I can count. Enough already send in some new stuff for heavens sake.

Next I tune to the channel where Modern Marvels is having a weekend long marathon. I learn more about corn and itís thousands of uses than I ever needed to know in my life. Then I get hooked on barges dredging the Mississippi River. What an interesting way to spend a couple of hours. Watching a giant ship dig up sand and mud and throw it back onto the shoreline. Simply fascinating. I should have recorded it for future viewing. These men work long and hard, but two hours was my limit. I was tired enough to doze through most of the next couple of hours concerning the refloating of a barge that had gotten stuck on land during one of the last hurricanes. By the time I woke up, I had a case of the big eye and couldnít sleep.

Great news, another marathon on The Deadliest Catch. This one will keep you on the edge of your chair. Throw out bait and pull in fish. Throw out bait and pull in crabs. Next hoursÖ.throw out bait and pull in fish. Throw out bait and pull in crabs. Repeat for several more hours.

I finally give up and find a book to read. There is only so much room in your brain for vast amounts of useless information.

One thing I would like to know is how does the hair on your legs know to grow to a certain length and then stop? Now thatís a show I could watch.

© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com

Letters From North America - July 8, 2009 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers

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