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 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :
The Good Old US of A
by Peary Perry
Peary Perry
Is this a great country or what? I mean we must be the envy of the entire world. No wonder people from all around this planet are trying every way they can to get into our fair land.

Take this for instance; in some parts of the south, some citizens participate in a sport called ‘noodling’. This is basically described as an outdoor event in which you try to catch large catfish barehanded, without benefit of rods and reels. In some parts of the nation, this is illegal, but these die hard sportsmen don’t seem to care about the legal consequences, they are just true believers in a sporting tradition that dates back for God knows how many years. The point of this is to wade out into some stream, bayou or canal and then stick your hand down into some hole, grab the fish and yank him back onto dry land without using any fishing tackle, which is expressly forbidden under the rules. This action is not considered to be professional and representative of the sport.

You’re also prohibited from wearing gloves, as that seems to lessen your ability to tell if this is a desirable fish, worthy of being caught or something else. The ‘something else’ is often either a snapping turtle or an alligator. Both of which have been know to take your fingers or arms off. As one of the ‘sportsman’ stated in his interview…”we don’t consider it a good day unless you lose some blood.” I suppose they really admire the guys who show up at the Noodling Conventions missing an arm or leg. The really tough, hard core enthusiasts of this sport could only be so affected four times before they would have to drop out of the national finals, for obvious reasons. Certainly that could qualify them to be expert commentators for the television coverage. Some national adult beverage company might well desire to sponsor this television-programming concept. Don’t laugh, it could happen. Look at what’s on television each night as it is now. Only in America.

My second point for this week is a startling revelation from some government (United States) agency charged with the responsibility of monitoring subsidence of coastal land masses. It was recently discovered that their calculations are quite a bit inaccurate due to the fact that they had been checking the amount of subsidence against some marker placed on the land in question. It was brought to the agencies attention that their measurements might not reveal a true and accurate reading since the marker was sinking at the same rate as the surrounding land mass. Once this small oversight was corrected, it was astonishing for the government (United States) to learn that the land had been sinking far more rapidly than previously thought. It makes one wonder how much we were or are paying for the astute personnel in this governmental (United States) agency. These might be the same people who marked the best places to fish by painting a big x mark on the side of their boat.

Last but certainly not least, is the story of a father who paddled his sixteen year old son for stealing some liquor from his (the father’s, not the teenagers) liquor cabinet and handing it out to some of his school chums. The local child protective services (a function of the government) got involved in this incident and filed aggravated assault charges against the father for his actions. The father had to retain an attorney to represent him at the trial and was acquitted. At least the jury in this town shows that they have some common sense. My question is what kind of reaction would the child protective services (a function of the government) have had if the father had allowed this action to go unpunished? I’d be willing to bet if one of the other kids or even this young boy had gotten drunk and had an automobile accident, then the local enforcement agency (a function of the government) would have been falling all over each other for this father’s head.

The good old US of A…..you gotta love it.


© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
Letters From North America
- June 7 , 2005 column
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