TexasEscapes.comWe Take Texas Personally
A Texas Travel, History & Architecture Magazine
SITE MAP : : NEW : : RESERVATIONS : : TEXAS TOWNS A-Z : : FEATURES : : COLUMNS : ::ARCHITECTURE : : IMAGES
HOME
SEARCH SITE
RESERVATIONS
Hotels
Cars
Air
USA
World
Cruises
TEXAS TRAVEL
TOWNS A to Z
Towns by Region
Ghost Towns
TRIPS :
State Parks
Rivers
Lakes
Drives
Maps
LODGING
TEXAS
FORUM
FEATURES :
Ghosts
People
Historic Trees
Cemeteries
ARCHITECTURE :
Courthouses
Jails
Bridges
Theaters
Churches
Gas Stations
Water Towers
Monuments/Statues
Schoolhouses
Post Offices
Depots
IMAGES :
Old Neon
Murals
Signs
BOOKS
COLUMNS
TE Site
Site Information
Recommend Us
Newsletter
About Us
Contact TE
 
 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :
Greenies
by Peary Perry

Peary Perry
Worry started to gnaw at the corner of my mind as I stood in a doorway in the alley to avoid the pouring rain. I hate these kinds of deals, you never know when someone is going to turn on you and snitch you off to the authorities. My source is late; heís never been late before. What might have happened? Did he forget, is he ok? I canít leave without the package. My dog will never forgive me if I come home empty handed.

Sounds like it came right out of a drug deal, right? Wrong.

A lady down the street from us works for some company that supplies product to veterinarians. She has us convinced that dogs need to keep their teeth and gums in good condition for optimum health. She has even given us a brochure from a doggie dentist in town who takes care of pooch teeth. I didnít ask if they do braces, since Iím not interested. If my teeth didnít get them, then neither will my dog. So much for that.

Anyway, the best tooth and gum product out here according to our friend is something called a ĎGreenieí. Let me tell you folks, itís not to be believed. These are small green toothbrush shaped doggie bones that you give to your dog as a treat and it helps keep their breath nice and teeth clean. I suppose they do work since my dogís teeth are whiter than mine, but Iím not about to start eating these things, besides they taste terrible.

The trouble is they are terribly addicting and shame on you if you happen to run out. Your loving animal will become a snarling, angry and unforgiving beast that will turn on you in a second unless you produce their reward. Our sweet dog, has gotten to the point that he will rush through his first bowl of food in the morning, make a mad dash into the den to search for his greenie treat and look at me as if Iíve lost my mind if itís not on the floor for him each day. He takes on a look that is almost demon possessed.

Oh, did I mention that these things go for about ninety cents each at the pet food store? Ninety cents! There is no generic product on the market at this time. You canít fool our dog with some cheap substitute either. If I toss a regular old dog biscuit out on the floor instead of the greenie, heíll turn his nose up at it and stand there and whine until I wimp out and drop a greenie on him. I hate being dictated to by some four-legged animal.

The manufacturer of these things must be making a bloody fortune. Who knows what they have in them as a secret ingredient that makes them so desirable. Iíve checked with dog owners and have found they have the same problem. Once hooked, they stay hooked.

I now find myself searching web sites for discounted Greenies in bulk. So far Iíve managed to get the price down to about fifty-six cents if I buy in bulk. Iím running out of space in our pantry. Maybe I should think about trying to get my dog weaned off of these and just say Ďnoí. I donít think he can stand going cold turkey. I havenít checked or intend to check to see if rehab facilities for dogs are springing up across the country. I wouldnít be surprised.

Some of the pet stores are having a difficult time keeping these in stock. People show up before they open to buy whatever is on hand just so they wonít have to tell Fido the cupboard is bare and no treat today. Worst than that is if your dog is named Spike or Killer and weighs more than you do, then youíve got real problems.

So, itís come down to this. I am now reduced to looking for bootleg supplies of Greenies to take home. I search the auction sites to see if anyone has any for sale. Since this matter is getting out of hand across the country I suppose it wonít be long before we begin to see truckloads of greenies being highjacked and stolen for their precious cargo. Iím sure counterfeit copies from China will start showing up in flea markets throughout the country any day now.

Talk about embarrassing, imagine going to prison for having dealt in stolen dog bones.

The dialogue might go like thisÖ.

ďWhatíre you in here for?Ē

ďI helped my dog become a greenie junkie.Ē

Step away from the greenies; use plain old dog biscuits for you and your dogís health.


© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
Letters From North America
- March 8 , 2005 column
Search:
Keywords:
Search Amazon.com
HOME
Privacy Statement | Disclaimer
Website Content Copyright ©1998-2004. Texas Escapes - Blueprints For Travel, LLC. All Rights Reserved
This page last modified: March 8, 2005