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Life
without a Washer
by Peary Perry | |
People
who live on boats have an old saying that goes something like….”for every day
you are at sea, the boat gets one foot shorter.” I’m fairly certain that the folks
who travel around the country in RV’s or campers probably feel the same.
As
I told you last week, we are currently living in our guesthouse since my wife
is remodeling, or in her words…’up dating’ the house. I don’t want to tell you
this is stressful, but I am here to tell you that this is the last ‘up date’ this
old boy is going to do in this lifetime. Come to think of it, more people might
give up their sinful ways if they knew for sure they would have to spend the rest
of eternity moving from one place to another or remodeling. I know it would certainly
yank me up by the chain if that were going to happen to me. I hate this stuff.
My next move is either to the HOME or to the flowerbed, one or the other.
Women
hold up better under these kinds of conditions than men do. I suppose it has something
to do with that nesting instinct they have embedded in their genes or jeans. They’ve
been following men around for thousands of years fixing things up to make them
‘more attractive’ than they were before. Most men are perfectly happy with using
one of those plastic crates from the post office to hold their dirty socks and
drawers. We also mix our whites with colors when washing, no matter how many times
we’ve been told not to do so. We just want to rebel against the fade demon and
see if we can beat him...just once. Men would not buy anything pink on purpose,
but don’t object to wearing a pink pair of boxers since all the other guys know
that shade of pink isn’t store bought. We know how this came into being. We can
live with it…Men don’t have to have pictures on the walls; they figure the windows
give you something to look at. Clean towels? No problems, just dry off, and hang
up; they’ll be dry in no time…you’ll know when you’ve used them too often, as
they tend to stiffen up on you. Same thing with expiration dates on food…. if
it smells good and still tastes good and the dog will eat it, then men think it’s
still ok to use. Women have been brain washed by the milk and cheese council to
think their hair will fall out if they drink milk or eat a slice of bread past
the expiration date. It says…’sell by’ not use by on the label. Besides green
bread is just penicillin, isn’t it? Doesn’t cheese get better the older it gets?
Men have a different set of rules when it comes to this concept.
My wife
is going through withdrawal since she is without a washer and dryer and is doing
our laundry at the Laundromat. I may have to find her some 12-step program to
put her in if this goes on for very much longer. I’m concerned over the cost of
this, as I don’t believe our medical insurance pays anything for ‘missing washer
syndrome’ of whatever it might be called. Using a towel twice is normally forbidden
in our house and I can tell she is under a lot of strain since we are doing this
to save on the number of trips to the place where she does the wash. I offered
to put up a temporary clothes line, like the one at my house when I was growing
up, but the deed restrictions where we live won’t let us. I hung some shorts and
a tee shirt out to dry the other afternoon and the Yard Nazis found out and I
got a letter in my mailbox before the end of the day. Don’t these people have
to work?
I can’t complain, since I have done very little to make all of
this happen. She has worked like a dog to pack everything and arrange to have
it moved and then coordinate the guys doing the remodeling work. I’m just standing
by and trying not to get in the way.
I checked the Internet for an application
for a short-term enlistment in the French Foreign Legion, but they don’t seem
to have anything available that might serve my purpose. Besides they want you
to enlist and change your name, why is that?
So, I suppose I’ll just grin
and bear it and sit tight while the work goes on around me. If you’ll remember
I told you several months ago I had gone back to college. I am so far ahead of
my homework, it isn’t even funny. I am now working on extra work for a better
grade. I just sit and type and work, very quietly.
So, here I am knocking
out Tuesday’s column on Monday since I have the time. If you have anything you
need to have done…call or write…I’ve got the time to do it. Will travel…not a
problem. Just need to be back in five or six weeks. | | |
