TexasEscapes.comTexas Escapes Online Magazine: Travel and History
Columns: History, Humor, Topical and Opinion
Over 1400 Texas Towns & Ghost Towns
Texas Hotels
 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :

Christmas Gifts I Can't Use

by Peary Perry
Peary Perry
Christmas, it's finally over. Only 365 more days until it rolls around once more. I can hardly wait.

Not to give you the impression that I'm a Scrooge or anything, but the buildup and the hype to get there just isn't worth the trip once you've arrived, is it? I mean we wade through miles of aisles in many stores to buy things none of us really need or want. I'm speaking for the adults here, not the kids. Christmas should be, in my humble opinion, strictly for kids and the needy, not those of us with lots of stuff who don't need more.

Take for instance, after shave or men's cologne. I can't use any more. I don't need any more, don't give me any more. I now have seven bottles lined up by my sink. I estimate that each bottle is good for 550 sprays. Now that gives me a total inventory of 3,850 sprays which can be used. Assuming that I was to spray myself twice a day (which I don't) then I have enough on hand to last me another 5 ½ years. If I get anymore I will probably die with an excess of after shave inventory. Maybe it's me, but I don't use this stuff like I did back in the 70's.

Look back at those days, men wore Brut, English Leather, Aramis, Canoe, Aqua Velva and whatever. Who wears this stuff today? Is my nose broke or do the young dudes just use stuff that I can't smell? Back in the disco days, if you got on an elevator at 5 in the afternoon, you didn't have to look around to see who was headed out for drinks and not going straight home.

You could smell them.

I generally save stuff I don't wear or use anymore to bundle together in bags for the homeless guys living under the bridges. I'm not certain aftershave and cologne would be of much use to them. Maybe I need to ask.

I remember buying my Mother bottles of some terrible stuff called 'Evening in Paris'. When I was a kid, they called this stuff 'toilet water' for one reason or another. All the kids I ran around with thought that was funny. Of course when you are eleven years old, anything with the word toilet is funny. Most of the kids in our neighborhood bought the stuff from a hardware store down the street. Why they carried it, I have no idea. You won't find it at Home Depot these days. I seem to recall that it came in a big blue bottle and I was more impressed with quantity than I was quality. I don't recall my mother actually wearing the stuff, but each year the bottle was empty so I always bought her another one. I looked on line a minute ago for Evening in Paris and they said they are bringing it back, first time since 1969. The bottle looks different. I wonder what it smells like. Not that I'd buy it.

House shoes, don't need any more. I have plenty. You can't wear them out and I like the one pair I've gotten used to wearing so I can't see me making any big changes unless one of the dogs eats up my current pair. Or I step into a big puddle of acid, which isn't likely either.

Shirts, have plenty, thank you very much. One good thing about getting older is that you don't have to dress in the latest styles. In fact, you generally look pretty stupid if you do. I can't imagine guys, with hair, my age in Church who would wear a Mohawk or a fade. Likewise none of us are apt to rush out and take advantage of getting our bodies tattooed or pierced if we got a gift certificate. Not going to happen.

Also, if you are one of the Americans who are calorically challenged, you have plenty of clothes in various sizes anyway. You just use whatever fits as you go up or hopefully come down.

This situation puts all of us in a gift buying dilemma. If you buy someone something that is too small, then you are giving them a signal to lose weight. If you buy them something that is too large, then you are saying something along the lines of …"Here tubby…." Or worse. You might get sued. You probably will get sued.

I notice that the sales of gift cards are way up over this time last year. Makes sense. Buy everyone a small piece of plastic, they carry it around and use it when and wherever they like. You don't even have to get out of your house to buy them…just order them over the internet. Mail them out to your kids and family. No need to wrap. No need to drive there for some more turkey and pie that you don't need to eat. Stay home, rush to the window ever so often, fling it open and yell out loud…"Bah Humbug."

Resolution to self for coming year: work on attitude.

Happy New Year…..comments go to www.pearyperry.com

© Peary Perry
Letters From North America >

December 27, 2006 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go to www.pearyperry.com
Texas Hill Country | East Texas | Central Texas North | Central Texas South |
West Texas | Texas Panhandle | South Texas | Texas Gulf Coast
TRIPS | State Parks | Rivers | Lakes | Drives | Maps | LODGING

Ghosts | People | Historic Trees | Cemeteries | Small Town Sagas | WWII |
History | Black History | Rooms with a Past | Music | Animals | Books | MEXICO
COLUMNS : History, Humor, Topical and Opinion

Courthouses | Jails | Churches | Gas Stations | Schoolhouses | Bridges | Theaters | Monuments/Statues | Depots | Water Towers | Post Offices | Grain Elevators |
Lodges | Museums | Stores | Banks | Gargoyles | Corner Stones | Pitted Dates |
Drive-by Architecture | Old Neon | Murals | Signs | Ghost Signs

TEXAS HOTELS | Hotels | Cars | Air | Cruises | USA

Privacy Statement | Disclaimer | Recommend Us | Links
Contributors | Staff | About Us | Contact TE |
Website Content Copyright ©1998-2006. Texas Escapes - Blueprints For Travel, LLC. All Rights Reserved
This page last modified: December 27, 2006