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Conspiracy Theory

by Peary Perry
Peary Perry

I really wish someone would do a movie or expose on a conspiracy theory, which has gone unnoticed in this country.

Think about this….years ago you bought a record… it was made out of vinyl….this was called a 78RPM….then THEY switched us to a 45RPM…then once we got comfortable with this medium…THEY changed it to a 33RPM…making us (consumers) have to buy machinery to handle the new technology each and every time the formats were changed.

Now, once vinyl records went out of date, THEY came along with tapes, first these were on large reels, then THEY redesigned them so the large tapes didn’t work and we had to buy eight tracks….this lasted about five years….then THEY redesigned the eight tracks (which we still have in our garages…. ready to hear Abba in all their glory) and gave us cassettes. Now you can’t find a cassette player anywhere that works. So once you build up an inventory of new tapes, records, cassettes or whatever, then what happens? You got it…THEY change everything out again to CD’s and we start all over again.

Notice that each and every upgrade or change in technology requires a new piece of machinery, which I am sure THEY own the rights to. Remember when VHS tapes first came out, some of us bought VHS players, others of us bought Beta players. Then we waited for years to see which one would be the chosen instrument of the future. Obviously the VHS owners won, but not for long since the VHS players were replaced by DVD players, which are probably manufactured by the same people who sold us the VHS tapes in the first place.

Tell me there isn’t something fishy going on here. This rivals the JFK conspiracy as far as I’m concerned.

Same with computers. You buy one and before you get it home and get it unpacked, it’s obsolete. You call the tech center for support on how to operate it and they just tell you that “they’re sorry, but we don’t service that unit any longer since it was replaced last week.” That’s the story you get if you’re able to understand the guy while he’s eating his curry lunch in India.

Now comes the biggest part of my story…printers. Last week I started to buy one for my wife’s computer. I had screwed hers up by pulling a piece of paper out of it while it was printing. This is a no-no. Do not do it. Anyway, since she had about $200 in print cartridges left, I thought I’d be smart and buy another printer, which used the same ones.

No fool me.

Well, as you might guess this turned out to be wrong since yes, they were the same ones, but ‘the older model’ without the ‘electronic signatures?’installed on them. So, they were worthless to any new printer.

Been in office supply store lately? The printer cartridge section is the largest in the place. It practically takes up one whole wall. If you don’t have your cartridge number with you, you can either look for about a 2 hour wait or you can forget it. There is no way you are going to be able to just stroll in there and grab one off the shelf because it ‘looks’ like the right one.

Forget that noise.

No, you better have the proper codes or you’re out of the park. And by the way those codes are tougher to figure than the Dewey decimal system. You can walk over (I’ve done this) and grab up five that ‘look’ like the one you want. You better think about this because unless it just happens to be the right number it won’t work when you get it home. I know this to be a fact.

Oh yes, and one more thing….once you cut through that atomic plastic wrapper that encapsulates these things, they belong to you. You cannot return them for credit…they are yours forever. THEY (those people again) have made it impossible for you to open the package and impossible to return it once it has been opened. So these are destined to be stuck in a drawer waiting for you to buy another printer whenever THEY tell you that your old one (6 months max) is worn out and you need the latest one. Incidentally I heard those wrappers were made out of some kind of indestructible material left over from the old atom bomb test sites. This is just a rumor, but it might be true.

You can’t buy just a printer any longer, no you have to have one that scans, copies, prints, does photos, accepts camera cards, enlarges, minimizes, and cleans your windows.

I was just kidding about the windows; they don’t do that…yet.

But stick around ..if THEY can figure out how to fix it so we have to buy one…then we’ll have to get one, won’t we?

Anyone want some old Barry Manilow eight tracks? Come and get ‘em. All are welcome except the THEY people….

© Peary Perry
Letters From North America

September 12, 2007 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers

Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com

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