TexasEscapes.comTexas Escapes Online Magazine: Travel and History
Columns: History, Humor, Topical and Opinion
Over 1400 Texas Towns & Ghost Towns
NEW : : TEXAS TOWNS : : GHOST TOWNS : : FEATURES : : COLUMNS : : ARCHITECTURE : : IMAGES : : SITE MAP
HOME
SEARCH SITE
ARCHIVES
FORUM
RESERVATIONS
Texas Hotels
Hotels
Cars
Air
Cruises
 
 Texas : Features : Columns : Lone Star Diary

DOGS IN CHURCH
Vintage Wit from Gonzales County

Discovered and resurrected
by
Murray Montgomery
Murray Montgomery

Introduction : History doesn't always have to be a serious subject. In fact there are occasions when stories from the past are downright hilarious.

The following article from The Gonzales Inquirer, in 1882, is a good example of humor in the newspaper.

It seems there was an ongoing problem in the local churches that just could not be ignored any longer. One writer here at the Inquirer decided that this dilemma needed to be addressed in the local paper. Taking into account the style with which is was written - it is quite possible that my favorite Inquirer editor, C. J. Pilgrim, penned the article.

Although I am sure that the author intended this to be a "tongue-in-cheek" report, I can't help feeling that he (or she) was quite agitated with the problem.

After all, there aren't too many folks who would enjoy having some sanctimonious dog staring at them during their church services.
- Murray Montgomery

The Gonzales Inquirer, May 6, 1882
DOGS IN CHURCH

After calm deliberation and mature judgment, we have reached the decided opinion that it does not improve the morals, and elevate the manners of dogs, to have them attend church, and we are positive that nothing is added to the comfort of the worshipers by their presence.

In fact we believe that church-going dogs are the most depraved of the canine family. They generally consider it the time and place to show their [pugnacity] and animosity to the rest of the gang that have congregated there. They make themselves at home in a manner that is supremely exasperating to average mortality.

The manner in which one of the well-trained ones can march up the aisle and scornfully survey the rest of the congregation would make a Texas legislator almost weep for envy.

The difficulties between the canines are generally adjusted in the middle of the church, and all other proceedings are generally brought to a close until the settlement is reached, and each one will resent an invitation to leave as a personal insult.

They seem to know that the bipeds are restrained by the laws from creating a disturbance and imagine that they have the right to run affairs to suit themselves.

Any town cur who is in the habit of attending church is as ambitious of being noticed as any politician in the country, and will play as many disagreeable tricks to gain the designed end.

One of the most harrowing methods is to plant himself in front of you, stare into your face with fiendish delight, and vigorously use his hind foot in scattering enough vermin on you to keep you thoroughly entertained during the rest of the services.

A few Sundays since one of the meeting house canines, after sliding up and down the aisle some forty times, walking into the stand and endeavoring to gaze the minister out of countenance, and performing all the other diabolical pranks that his abominable instinct could suggest.

Finding that he was not attracting that attention which his villainous heart longed for, raised his bristles looked savagely in the face at a lady near him and commenced barking in a manner that would almost render you frantic.

There were only five out last Sunday, but that was enough, and they made themselves felt, seen and heard. As members of a congregation assembled for religious worship, dogs are a decided failure.

We have never been able to appreciate dogs anyway, unless they were ornamented with a sardine box and earnestly and solemnly hunting for solitude and rest.

Lone Star Diary
October, 2000
Published with author's permission.

 
TEXAS TOWN LIST | TEXAS GHOST TOWNS
Texas Hill Country | East Texas | Central Texas North | Central Texas South |
West Texas | Texas Panhandle | South Texas | Texas Gulf Coast
TRIPS | State Parks | Rivers | Lakes | Drives | Maps | LODGING

TEXAS FEATURES
Ghosts | People | Historic Trees | Cemeteries | Small Town Sagas | WWII |
History | Black History | Rooms with a Past | Music | Animals | Books | MEXICO
COLUMNS : History, Humor, Topical and Opinion

TEXAS ARCHITECTURE | IMAGES
Courthouses | Jails | Churches | Gas Stations | Schoolhouses | Bridges | Theaters | Monuments/Statues | Depots | Water Towers | Post Offices | Grain Elevators |
Lodges | Museums | Stores | Banks | Gargoyles | Corner Stones | Pitted Dates |
Drive-by Architecture | Old Neon | Murals | Signs | Ghost Signs

TRAVEL RESERVATIONS
TEXAS HOTELS | Hotels | Cars | Air | Cruises | USA


Privacy Statement | Disclaimer | Recommend Us | Links
Contributors | Staff | About Us | Contact TE |
TEXAS ESCAPES ONLINE MAGAZINE
HOME
Website Content Copyright 1998-2006. Texas Escapes - Blueprints For Travel, LLC. All Rights Reserved
This page last modified: February 9, 2006