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  • Texas | Columns | "It's All Trew"

    Barter way out of shame, curse

    by Delbert Trew
    Delbert Trew
    Some call it bartering, trading, horse-trading or just plain old begging. After all is said and done, you tried to buy it cheaper than it was priced. That is just plain old American tradition.

    A good trade is where both parties walk off thinking they beat the other in the transaction. Here are a couple of transactions I heard that stand out in my mind.

    Two cattlemen in Colorado started early one morning trying to arrive at a price on some livestock. As the day wore on, they chewed a complete package of Day’s Work Chewing Tobacco, broke for lunch and began whittling on sticks found beneath the shade tree where they were sitting.

    With little progress made by 4 o’clock, one broke out a pint of whiskey. By 6 o’clock the Day’s Work and whiskey were gone and they were down to about $100 difference on a $3,000 trade.

    As darkness approached, neither was moving in his offer until one man misjudged and sliced a finger deep while whittling. The other loaded him up and rushed him to the hospital, where stitches were needed to close the wound. As they left the doctor’s office, the wounded man held out his good hand and said, “Since we burned your gasoline getting here and back home, I’ll take your offer and say, ‘We got a trade.’” Neither lost face in the final trade.

    While standing by at a garage sale once, I witnesses the following trade. A man was looking at an old rusty electric iron he knew did not work. It had a 25-cent price tag. He carried the “piece of junk with history” to the lady who was selling the iron. “Ma’am, could you take a little less for this old iron?” She looked him square in the eye and said, “Mister, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. If you are that cheap minded, I will give you the iron for free.”

    The man’s mouth fell open in surprise, and he looked stricken as he replied. “Ma’am, that’s cheap enough and I got the money, but I promised my old daddy on his deathbed that I would never purchase anything without trying to (negotiate) the price. He said he would return and haunt me.” The lady frowned in thought as she pondered the deal. The man said, “I know the price is free so would you give me a dime just for hauling off the iron? That would clear me with my old daddy.”

    The lady thought a moment and answered, “I am not going to pay you a dime to haul off a free iron. Your old daddy can go to hell!” The man answered right back, “How did you know where he was?” Still not a hint of a smile from either on the ridiculous trade and conversation.

    Finally she said, “I will not pay you a dime to haul off the iron, however, I will pay you a dime if you leave and don’t return.” He smiled, held out his hand for the dime, then shook her hand in the finalization of the deal. Then, both sat down on the edge of the porch and laughed until tears came to their eyes. I still don’t know whether they knew each other or not, but it was worth it to hear two talented traders at their best.

    © Delbert Trew -
    November 8, 2011 column
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    "It's All Trew"
    Delbert Trew is a freelance writer and retired rancher. He can be reached at 806-779-3164, by mail at Box A, Alanreed, TX 79002, or by email at trewblue@centramedia.net. For books see delberttrew.com. His column appears weekly.

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