I was growing up my father woke us up some mornings. He would come into our rooms
singing, "Good morning to you, good morning to you, we're all in our places, with
bright shining faces, oh what a good way to start a new day!" Other days my mother
would wake us up singing, "Hey what do you know, it's morning already, here comes
the sun . . ." What nice parents I had! Well, until I turned fifteen anyway. I
don't know what happened to them then. They got better again later, about the
time I turned twenty, I think. Guess they just had a bad spell for a few years.
Having been awakened in such a pleasant way every day of my formative
years you will probably be pretty certain that I make sure my children start their
days off in a similar way. I would like for you to think so, in fact I encourage
it. Imagine me, up, scrubbed, dressed in an "I Love Lucy" type morning outfit,
carrying a tray into each of my children with something hot and sweet to drink
and a bud vase with a daffodil in it bobbing its head festively. Go on thinking
that. Just don't bet any large amounts of money on it. Mornings around here are
not unpleasant, depending on your tolerance for noise and hullabaloo, but they
don't start off with singing.
Here's how it is typically, on a day I
don't work. Because when I do work I leave early and I have no idea how they get
bathed and dressed and fed without me. Both my husband and I are early risers.
Typically I will have been up long enough in the morning to have become pretty
deeply involved in some project before it is time to wake the kids up. Then I
will suddenly realize that it is ten minutes until seven and we are late.
I screech. Why? Because I usually don't want to quit what I am doing. So instead
of "good morning to you," I shriek, "Wake up! Feet on the floor! You're late!"
I think this is a very effective way to wake the children up. Not only does it
rouse them, but it scares the pudding out of them and their little hearts pitty-pat
from sixty beats a minute straight to a respectable one hundred and sixty beats
a minute. This is bound to be good for their cardiovascular health. Plus they
get a massive dose of good old Vitamin A - as in adrenaline - right off the bat.
This has the happy side effect of completely clearing their heads of any residual
sleepiness. They are up, they are pumped and they are ready for battle.
Forget OJ - the double shot of fight or flight juice my kids get is a great way
for them to start the day. Not only are they wide awake and raring to go, but
they are also in the right mind set for the great Bathroom Battle. We have an
old house with nice big bedrooms and lots of sunshine and windows and a great
big yard. And one shower. We have tried to compensate for this with an enormous
water heater, but you still don't want to be the last guy in line. Things are
a little better now that the girls are gone most of the time. They took the art
of make-up application to new heights, often taking upwards of 30 minutes to perfect
the all natural look they preferred. With them gone there is much more time available
for the boys to do whatever it is they do in there that takes so long. I know
for a fact that they are not spending all that time on their teeth.
day as they start to leave the house I kiss them and then I ask, "did you brush
your teeth?" Every single day they get the same shocked look on their faces. "Teeth?
Do I have teeth? Am I supposed to - what was that word you used? - brrrruuuussshhh
them? Oh my! Whod've thunk?" And then off they pound, up the stairs (which surely
cannot survive too many more years of such violent use) where they shove and elbow
and insult each other, splash water and gargle noisily and, I am pretty sure,
wet those brushes, give each other a conspiratorial wink and pound back down and
out the door.
Have a nice day!