Maggie Van Ostrand
myth, as recorded by Alfonso Villa R. in Quintana Roo and recently reported to
me, tells us that God created a number of human couples, each with the racial
characteristics of the group to which | he was assigned. God "formed a Chinese,
a Negro, and a Maya couple, and granted each one the portion of the earth in which
they were to reproduce their kind and establish their rule.
"At the time
of creation, each couple was given the characteristics to determine their destiny.
Thus, some were ugly and occupied an inferior station, while others were good
looking and in a privileged position.
"It is easy to see," the myth goes
on, "that the men most favored by God are tall, blond, strong men who live an
easy life and are known as Americans..."
I have it on the highest authority
that the following is what really happened.
In the beginning, God created
only one couple: Adam and Eve. Adam, as rebellious as all young people and in
direct disregard of the wishes of his Maker, immediately disobeyed God's specific
instructions to lay off certain fruit. Adam ate an apple, the first item on God's
Forbidden List since it began with an "A." (For historical accuracy, the last
item on the list was in French: Zee Femme.) Speaking of Woman, if Eve had asked
for a kumquat instead of an apple, future calamities between the sexes might have
God's plan was to design a perfect couple with the ability
to reason, and then let them make their own choices. Perhaps He should have supplied
them with a copy of "Dummies' Guide to Spirituality."
Adam and Eve, being
human, paid no attention to God, even after He punished Adam by having the fruit
stick in his throat and thundered, "See what you've done? Now all men will have
to shave around an Adam's Apple."
God turned to an angel, and remarked,
"Kids. You just can't leave them alone for a minute." It was at this exact point
in history that an anonymous angel coined the expression, "Nobody's perfect,"
(swiftly adding "Except you, Lord, except you.").
To help Adam and Eve
and their descendants find the right path, eventually returning to Him in proper
spiritual condition, God assigned them the title of Expatriates and, pondering
where to send them, thought, "There's something about Mexico....."
so it came to be that Adam and Eve were dispatched to the Land of Mexico.
It was a gamble, to be sure, but God had great faith in the young couple.
After all, He was One who designed them.
"I am giving you a second chance
to make good in Paradise," he cautioned, "This time, pay attention. You can eat
the apples. Don't drink the water."
Today, Adam and Eve's children and
all their children's children have earned their stripes with God, who has rewarded
them with a promotion to the title, "Mexicans." He is pleased at their efforts
to make up for the sins of their fathers and the mutinous behavior of their ancestors.
These efforts can be observed today as Mexicans continue to train new arrivals
of Expatriates in the ways of ethics, morals, kindness, dignity, respect, and
Only when Expatriates have truly learned all these things, can
they live as God originally intended: in Paradise, sometimes still referred to
Maggie Van Ostrand
February 20, 2004 column
Related Topic: Mexico