I Want For Christmas" 12-22-17
Your Nuts: How We Are Being Cheated At The Grocery Store 8-14-17
Day: Make It Count 5-9-17
Best Pictures That Never Won Best Picture Oscar
Songs of Christmas 12-16-16
Into Giving? Charity Checkmate 12-10-16
and Juno: Together Again for the First Time 7-9-16
Hillary: The Optic Downs of Campaigning 5-26-16
keeps Claus out 12-7-15
Sucks: Hollywood's Answer To a Face in Free Fall 7-10-15
and How To Say It 2-13-15
Green Carpet 1-16-15
Higher Calling 12-19-14
Doctor Will See You Now 11-20-14
Bring Me an Order of Gluten and a Large Glass of Lactose
the News 8-19-14
Classic Mean Movie Mothers 5-9-14
A Tale for Kids 4-18-14
Hate Valentine's Day 2-14-14
of Prey versus Birds of Pray 1-28-14
Myrrh, and Tom Swift's Electric Rifle 12-8-13
Ghouls, Goblins, and other G Spots 10-25-13
Reset Button 9-7-13
SCOTUS, Don’t Stop at Same Sex Marriage 4-1-13
FaceBook, or, I Don’t Want to Smell like Brad Pitt
Lady in the Parking Lot 1-5-13
Christmas Gifts: It Is Harder to Receive Than to Give
Santa Legal In Arizona? 12-7-12
Ashes, Will Travel 11-20-12
Tweet or Not to Tweet: That is the Question 8-19-12
Makeup Drawer 8-6-12
That Hanging Out of Your Nose?" and Other Stupid Questions
With Scissors 2-20-12
Bowl for Women 2-9-12
Indirect, or, the True Meaning of the Word Humbug
Dog Days of Summer 7-10-11
Do You Want For Your Birthday? Or, It Won't Be What You Asked For
Wedding Questions 5-2-11
10 Federal Budget Savings Ideas 2-23-11
to Deal With a Contractor If You're a Single Woman
Year’s Non-Resolutions 12-29-10
and JOSEFINA 10-22-10
O'Donnell's Apology 10-10-10
Corporations, Little Ripoffs 4-12-10
China Turns U.S.A. Pink 2-8-10
Art of Barbering 1-21-10
Gift to Opera, Rolando Villazón 1-2-10
Art of Re-Gifting 12-19-09
Crookedest Christmas Tree 11-21-09
Can’t Congress Be More Like a Dog?10-7-09
Hitchcock: Can You Spot Him? 7-27-09
Got To Know When To Fold ‘Em 7-3-09
Scents: Why Brides Carry Bouquets 6-1-09
Degrees of Separation, or, How a Mexican Star Became a Cajun Legend
and the Great Escape 3-12-09
and the President 2-8-09
Conspicuous Consumption to Conspicuous Frugality 1-8-09
Instead of Resolutions 12-8-08
to Fear But Thanksgiving 11-7-08
to Save 9-17-08
and How She is Spoken 9-3-08
You Don't Know About Mexico 7-17-08
With Your Enemies 6-9-08
into Mom 5-8-08
Scared of Something 4-7-08
Shine in Sunny Mexico 3-6-08
Have They Emigrated to Mexico? 2-14-08
Murrieta, Robin Hood or Just Plain Hood? 1-5-08
Blue Christmas 12-13-07
Christmas Flower 12-3-07
Shopping With The Sliding U.S. Dollar 11-10-07
A Word ... 10-5-07
Virginia, There Is Another Mexico" 9-12-07
Uncle Sam 7-16-07
God Talk 6-4-07
Bartender, Make Mine Tuna on the Rocks 5-25-07
Fighting 201st 5-11-07
Politicians Promote Sex Abstinence Studies 4-26-07
School in a Box 4-13-07
Red Carpet 2-18-07
Bowl 2007 2-7-07
Corn is as High as an Elephant's Eye 1-29-07
Woman or Jack Bauer 1-23-07
Year's Resolutions 2007 12-28-06
Santa Claus 12-19-06
Bites Into Martha 12-10-06
Night the Posse Chased Santa 12-1-06
Day After 11-24-06
of Thanksgiving 11-19-06
Than Halloween 10-31-06
the 13th 10-4-06
Height of Celebrity 9-28-06
of the News 9-7-06
Millan and Rachael Ray: America's Great Escape Artists
to Be An American 5-8-06
Comic, Super Star, Super Man 4-28-06
My Mexican Relatives Saved the U.S. Economy 4-13-06
Art of Listening 4-8-06
Fernández, Ten of a Kind 3-23-06
Tell Me A Story 3-14-06
with Baby New Year 12-28-05
and the Little Table 11-23-05
History of Mexico in 2000 Words 11-7-05
Corpses at Halloween 10-30-05
Men Don't Talk, But Dead Women Do 10-22-05
Frida Kahlo, and Her Recipes
Sex Marriage? 10-1-05
Money Talks, Martha Listens 9-19-05
for Charley 9-12-05
Father of the Year 6-16-05
Mexican Women 6-15-05
In A Name? Plenty 6-6-05
Walters Does Cleopatra 5-15-05
War of Ought-Five 5-3-05
Pig Book 4-20-05
Is An Illegal, or, Humor and Satire in the Corrido 4-5-05
Me to the Moon 3-8-05
Au Contraire 3-1-05
Beauty: Dolores del Rio 2-16-05
done, Johnny 1-25-05
Strangles First Amendment 1-25-05
what women really want
Year's Resolutions 1-1-05
Truth About Rudolph 12-8-04
Las Posadas is still observed in Mexico...."
of Hair 11-24-04
Flu? Try A Sock Full of Onions 10-29-04
and Sensibility 10-15-04
Pinking of America 9-28-04
Prudent Use of Guilt 8-3-04
"Quit following me around. It's getting embarrassing,"
For The Disinclined 7-12-04
Friends Ask About Mexico 7-11-04
"What's it like in Mexico?" "Weren't you scared?" and "Don't they
kidnap you there?" In case anyone reading this publication is wondering
the same things, here's what I told my friends ...
Biggest Mistake I Ever Made In Mexico 6-9-04
To Do in Small Towns 5-5-04
Traveling in Mexico, Leave Your Pantyhose At Home
"Your money's no good in Mexico."
Eye For the Gringo Guy 3-7-04
Something About Mexico 2-20-04
Taxi, or El Toro? 1-20-04
Hemingway said there are two types of spectators at a bullfight:
those who identify with the bull, and those who identify with the
Roger Miller Las Vegas Pawn Shop Shooting 1-20-04
Quotes, and anecdotes of Roger Miller and friends.
Ten Years Are Up.
It's Time to Clean the Refrigerator
of the Dead or Alive 10-21-03
There Terrorists in Our Town? 9-29-03
did the word "gringo" come from anyway? 9-03
and Botox 8-03
for Each Other 8-03
Yourself In Reverse 7-03
Baldwin of Missouri Teaches All About Mexico
A Woman of Mexico
Trip" - Guanajuato, Mexico
To Die For
"What parent in his right mind would give a 6-year-old a hatchet?"
Berlitz Or English and how she is spoken
Evening In Paris With Mom
Steps To A Happy Life In Mexico
Day I Photographed Josefina's Family
Pithy Tale of Owney, the Post Office Pup 8-20-11
Owney was a muttly terrier who rose from the ranks of the homeless
to celebrity status with his image on the newly issued U.S. Forever
postage stamp. His life was that of a courageous 19th-Century pioneer
pup, fighting the odds, if not the Indians...
Misadventures of Wrong-Way Corrigan 3-9-11
"Even when a Texan is wrong, he is right."
It may have been the wrong way, but it was his way.
Duke of Texas 12-14-10
John Wayne may have been born in Iowa, but he was a Texan just the
Means More Than FaceFace 9-17-10
The United States Migratory Bird Treaty Act protects Crested Caracaras
as an endangered species, even though these big birds only visit
Arizona, Florida, and Texas... However, in Mexico, where Caracaras
have the exalted title of National Bird, humans sometimes eat them.
Brownsville-Metamoros Ferry 6-19-10
The ferry was an efficient means of transportation between the U.S.
and Mexico for 110 years, but in 1929, it took its last trip across
the Rio Grande.
Here, greatly edited for space, are bits of the 1916 interview of
Zapata by reporter Guillermo Ojara, sent by his paper, El Democrata
of Mexico City...
Confederate Soldier in Texas: Full Metal Corset 6-18-09
Seabiscuit Stamp: How It Came To Be 3-23-09
On May 11th, a 44-cent rate-change stamp featuring the great thoroughbred
racehorse, Seabiscuit, will be issued by the U.S. Postal Service.
Lockhart and the Comanches 2-16-09
Any time, dear reader, you feel your lot in life is not quite what
you had in mind, compare it to that of Miss Matilda Lockhart...
Modern-Day Ferry Tale 12-13-08
Hairy Man of Round Rock 10-1-08
Llorona: Does She Seek Your Children? 8-10-08
Story of Indianola 6-30-08
Aunt Jane's Pair of Scares 6-12-08
Widow Tamez, Accidental Expatriate 5-9-08
This brush-covered area became known as a no-man's land because
Mexican lawmen didn't want to cross the River and be cut off, and
Texas lawmen had no legal jurisdiction there. It was perfect for
outlaws from both countries...
Bill: Don't Get Him Mad 3-27-08
Rogers and the Bank Dick 2-3-08
Short, The Undertakers' Friend 12-20-07
December 23rd marks the 117th anniversary of Luke Short's last great
gunfight. It was a shoot out with Charlie Wright at Charlie's gambling
den in Ft. Worth...
He was selling newspapers at Ford's Theatre on the night of April
Porter of San Antonio 9-25-07
The Old West heroes or desperadoes didn't fight, shoot, and rustle
all the time. They needed rest. They needed relaxation. They needed
love. And Fannie Porter of San Antonio supplied these diversions.
This is her story.
Skull, the Scariest Siren in Texas 9-1-07
Some say Sally didn't always wait to get a divorce, and perhaps
took the easy way out. She killed them...
Harrowing Life and Times of Elizabeth Ann Bishop 8-15-07
One of the Texas frontier women who taught the wilderness to quit
howling and behave itself was Elizabeth Ann Bishop. What she endured
is testament to the strength of frontier women...
Deno: Queen of the Paste Board Flippers 8-3-07
Cowboys and longhorns, soldiers and forts, Comanche, the buffalo
trade, 18 saloons, and an abundance of "soiled doves" were the sights
greeting beautiful Lottie Deno as she rode into Ft. Griffin Flat
from Jacksboro, sitting next to the driver atop the stage coach.
of Texas 6-17-07
Starr The Bandit Queen 2-1-07
Stanley: Daughter of Texas 11-4-06
Buckner: The Tallest of Tall Texas Tales 8-16-06
Elder: Her True Story 5-26-06
"[Her] background was perhaps more plaid than checkered."
Big Bend Then 2-27-06
Into the Future and Into the Past 7-30-05
Where in Texas can you bypass summer's deadly heat, avoid Transylvanian
mosquitoes, and never feel the sting of a bee?
Came The Amarillan 6-26-04
I love Amarillo ... I never met so many good lookin', boot-wearin',
city-shunnin', plain-talkin', fellas in my entire life as I did
a few weeks back when I visited The Fair And Totally Underrated
City of Amarillo In The County of Potter in the Republic of Texas.
Eggs Of Texas"
Maggie Van Ostrand
was almost born and raised in Manhattan, but hey, Queens is still
inside the City line.
She started writing when she was very young, but ran into a barrier
of parental discouragement. She didn't pick up a pen again until they
were both so old, they could no longer argue convincingly without
falling off their walkers.
Queens College remembers Jerry Seinfeld, so surely it will remember
Maggie. Then again, maybe not.
While traveling as a roadie in the music business, she co-wrote "Home
Is Where the Hurt Is" with Grammy- and Tony-winning humorist, Roger
Miller. She was head writer for Mark Goodson's quiz show, "Trivia
Trap," and has ghost-written for television sitcom writers and stand-up
In 1995, she began a humor column, which garnered many awards. Readers
cut out her columns and stuck them on their refrigerators. Thanks
to loyal fans mailing these clips to big time newspapers (do you know
how expensive it is to mail a refrigerator?), she became a regular
contributor to the Chicago Tribune, and has been published in the
Boston Globe, Newsday, the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Sun-Sentinel,
and other major newspapers and magazines both online and in print.
She’s a member of Erma Bombeck Humor Writers, National Society of
Newspaper Columnists, and Society of Women Writers & Journalists.
Her proudest achievement was winning the Pullet Surprise from texasescapes.com.
Maggie has lived in many wonderful places; her favorites are New York,
Boston, Chicago, El Paso, and Taos.
Maggie Van Ostrand spends her writing time between Ajijic, Mexico
and Pine Mountain, California, each with a population smaller than
Al Pacino. Since she has been accused of having a split personality,
it’s simple for her to live in two places at once.
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