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 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :

How Women Think
or How They Donít Think

by Peary Perry
Peary Perry
If I had to guess, Iíd say that over the years, Iíve written more columns about the differences between men and women and how they think. Or how they donít think.

For example, we didnít get a chance to sort everything out from our house before we moved. Now weíre trying to do it after weíve moved in. Not the best option and one to avoid if there is anyway possible. This should be one of the cardinal rules taught to young men who are about to be married for the first time. Iíve gone over these many times in the past and will likely do another column on them again in the future. These include taking notes on the day you get engaged. Copious notes about everything, the weather, where you went to dinner, what table you sat at, the waiters name, and most of all how your intended wore her hair and what she was wearing. This will come up in later conversations and there will be a test. I cannot over emphasize this to you at this time. You may think she doesnít remember where you parked your car and in which direction it was pointed, but she does and she will ask you about it, trust me on this one.

Anyway, once youíre married, sheíll begin to collect and save things you cannot begin to imagine. You give her a Valentines Day card? Sheíll save it. Birthday cards? Never thrown away. Mothers Day cards? Sheíll keep them until she dies and then theyíll pass onto someone else, God only knows who. I have friends who have cards dating back to the twelfth century and earlier which have been handed down from one generation to another. I would think a Ďget wellí card from Genghis Khan would be worth something, but then again, what do I know? The point is that your wife will have stuff hidden away throughout your house for years in places you cannot imagine even existed. Women could write books about where to hide things that the DEA and FBI would never find.

They will never throw away any photographs, especially of your children. If one of your kids is sitting on a tree stump in the middle of the woods some where and you cannot figure out where or when the picture was taken, it will not be thrown away. It will stay in a box, hidden along with small pieces of ribbon (for what?) baby teeth, snippets of hair and a hundred other items which men will throw away without any sense of guilt, but not a mother. She keeps all of the photographs ever taken of any member of her family no matter if they make any sense or not, itís a Mom thing. Itís called (MGS) Mothers Guilt Syndrome, men arenít affected by this.

Your child can be fifty years old and their mother will still have their drawings from the first grade. Itís amazing how long finger painted pictures can last. Iíd bet Rembrandts mother kept all of his stuff in a closet somewhere. My wife found some essays written by our youngest son when he was about nine or ten. Of course we had to read them all again. One of his made the statement that ďRocks are found nearly everywhere.Ē Iím thinking there isnít a place that I know of on Earth where there isnít a rock. Of course, for a ten year old, the things he wrote were pretty good.

I found her box of Christmas bows and ribbons in the attic and threw them out. She buys new ones each year anyway, since she canít remember where she hid last years supply. We had bows and ribbons made of stone, they were really, really that old. Just kidding.

That brings up another problem. Often times they hide stuff so well; they canít recall where they put things. This causes a marriage calamity I call Ďoverbuying.í This situation happens when you canít find something so you go buy another one, then you end up with two of the same things. But since you donít put either one in the same place, your house lapses into a sort of Ďhome-style Bermuda triangle.í Things you know you have will disappear and will never reappear until you move into another house. If you donít want to move then you might have to take the drastic measure of pulling everything out of your house and stacking it in the front yard just to see what you have on hand. If you have to take this type of action, I caution you to check the weather forecast. As well as advising the neighbors of your intentions and that you are not being evicted.

Anyway, Iíve got to runÖsheís found a box of report cards which she wants to go over for the remainder of the afternoon.


© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com

Letters From North America - March 25, 2009 column
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