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How
Women Think
or How They Don’t Think
by Peary Perry | |
If
I had to guess, I’d say that over the years, I’ve written more columns
about the differences between men and women and how they think. Or how they don’t
think.
For example, we didn’t get a chance to sort everything out from
our house before we moved. Now we’re trying to do it after we’ve moved in. Not
the best option and one to avoid if there is anyway possible. This should be one
of the cardinal rules taught to young men who are about to be married for the
first time. I’ve gone over these many times in the past and will likely do another
column on them again in the future. These include taking notes on the day you
get engaged. Copious notes about everything, the weather, where you went to dinner,
what table you sat at, the waiters name, and most of all how your intended wore
her hair and what she was wearing. This will come up in later conversations and
there will be a test. I cannot over emphasize this to you at this time. You may
think she doesn’t remember where you parked your car and in which direction it
was pointed, but she does and she will ask you about it, trust me on this one.
Anyway, once you’re married, she’ll begin to collect and save things you
cannot begin to imagine. You give her a Valentines Day card? She’ll save it. Birthday
cards? Never thrown away. Mothers Day cards? She’ll keep them until she dies and
then they’ll pass onto someone else, God only knows who. I have friends who have
cards dating back to the twelfth century and earlier which have been handed down
from one generation to another. I would think a ‘get well’ card from Genghis Khan
would be worth something, but then again, what do I know? The point is that your
wife will have stuff hidden away throughout your house for years in places you
cannot imagine even existed. Women could write books about where to hide things
that the DEA and FBI would never find.
They will never throw away any
photographs, especially of your children. If one of your kids is sitting on a
tree stump in the middle of the woods some where and you cannot figure out where
or when the picture was taken, it will not be thrown away. It will stay in a box,
hidden along with small pieces of ribbon (for what?) baby teeth, snippets of hair
and a hundred other items which men will throw away without any sense of guilt,
but not a mother. She keeps all of the photographs ever taken of any member of
her family no matter if they make any sense or not, it’s a Mom thing. It’s called
(MGS) Mothers Guilt Syndrome, men aren’t affected by this.
Your child
can be fifty years old and their mother will still have their drawings from the
first grade. It’s amazing how long finger painted pictures can last. I’d bet Rembrandts
mother kept all of his stuff in a closet somewhere. My wife found some essays
written by our youngest son when he was about nine or ten. Of course we had to
read them all again. One of his made the statement that “Rocks are found nearly
everywhere.” I’m thinking there isn’t a place that I know of on Earth where there
isn’t a rock. Of course, for a ten year old, the things he wrote were pretty good.
I found her box of Christmas bows and ribbons in the attic and threw them
out. She buys new ones each year anyway, since she can’t remember where she hid
last years supply. We had bows and ribbons made of stone, they were really, really
that old. Just kidding.
That brings up another problem. Often times they
hide stuff so well; they can’t recall where they put things. This causes a marriage
calamity I call ‘overbuying.’ This situation happens when you can’t find something
so you go buy another one, then you end up with two of the same things. But since
you don’t put either one in the same place, your house lapses into a sort of ‘home-style
Bermuda triangle.’ Things you know you have will disappear and will never reappear
until you move into another house. If you don’t want to move then you might have
to take the drastic measure of pulling everything out of your house and stacking
it in the front yard just to see what you have on hand. If you have to take this
type of action, I caution you to check the weather forecast. As well as advising
the neighbors of your intentions and that you are not being evicted.
Anyway,
I’ve got to run…she’s found a box of report cards which she wants to go over for
the remainder of the afternoon.
© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
Letters From North America
- March 25, 2009 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Related
Topics: Marriage | Mothers
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