Small Bananas by
much to write about..so little time.|
Gosh this week, it's a tossup on
what to opine upon…..I am torn between discussing the tragedy of Paris Hilton
having to spend 45 days in a California lockup and another article I will expound
on in a moment. For those of you living in space, I will fill you in. Last week
Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license.
Even though the suspension order was in the glove compartment of her car, she
claims she "didn't read it and didn't understand it…"
This statement makes
no sense whatsoever, but then what does with this woman?
Now, there is
a movement going around to 'pardon' her in the same spirit that President Gerald
Ford did when he pardoned former President Richard Nixon. Her publicist has released
a statement from Ms. Hilton saying: She urges the California actor-turned-governor
to pardon Hilton because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our
otherwise mundane lives."
Isn't that special? I am so thrilled to find
out that most of us are living 'mundane lives'. I didn't know. On second thought
I've wasted too much space on her this week, I'm certain a 'mundane' person like
me can't write anything that would do her justice.
with that out of the way, I'll get back to the real issue of the week. I call
your attention to an interesting court case in Vienna, Austria. It seems they
have a chimpanzee named Hiasi whose keepers went bankrupt. Under current law,
donations for his monthly upkeep can only be given to a legal entity, which the
chimp isn't…..because he's an animal….are you with me? His supporters are filing
a case in the Austrian Supreme Court to have Hiasi declared a 'person' making
him entitled to certain rights such as the right to own property, his right to
life, not to be mistreated or tortured and other freedoms. The supporters say
they will draw the line at Hiasi being allowed to vote.
Austria isn't the only country considering this matter. Spain is working on what
they call "The great ape" project. This bill, if passed, would convey fundamental
moral and legal protections to apes. Apes could own property, have bank accounts
and solicit funds for their care and welfare. They could be legally married and
have survivorship rights.
I suppose that means they would have certain
contractual rights as well, making them eligible to form recording companies and
bands. This is encouraging to me since it would open up an entirely new genre
of music which certainly can't be any worse than we are currently being subjected
to these days. I just wonder how well a chimp could play a guitar? We'll have
to see. Opens up an entirely new concept for American Idol, doesn't it?
Normally I am against liberal measures of this sort, but hear me out on this one.
Chimps and apes can't talk, can they? Or at least not in any language we can understand.
It would take years to learn what they are saying. By then we might figure out
they are smarter than some of us. So, if the world courts were to decide that
apes had the same rights as humans then what is to prevent them from running for
public office? They can't pass any legislation or vote on anything that complicates
our lives anymore than the folks in Washington are doing to us each and every
year. They can't make any stupid remarks or take sides; even if they did we wouldn't
know it since we couldn't understand what they were saying. Finally the corruption
would stop immediately since apes can't or don't steal, do they? Even if they
do, it'll be small bananas…not billions.
I'd vote for a monkey or an ape
any day over the current lineup we are facing for public office in 2008. Not that
much difference to me…how about to you?
We couldn't be any worse off.,
Letters From North
May 8, 2007 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go to
Novel - Order Here