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Texas | Columns | "Wandering"

Let it beeeeeeee

by Wanda Orton
Wanda Orton

Once upon a time I was involved in a sting operation.

It happened in a local super market’s produce section where I was picking out apples in a box. Never satisfied with what’s visible on top, I always dig deeper, seeking better, fresher fruit.

Ouch! What was that!

In response to my question, a bee buzzed to the top of the box.

About that time, a woman walked by and sensed I was hurting. “Are you OK?”

“No, I’m not OK,” I told her. “I just got stung by a bee.”

She sympathized and told me to report the incident. “Are you sure it was a bee?”

“Yes, I’m sure. See -- he’s right there on top…” Not any more.

The bee had left the building.

A store employee approached the apple box.

“Are you sure it was a bee?”

“Yes,” I kept telling him. I know a bee when I see one. It was black and yellow, just like John Belushi’s outfit on those old “Saturday Night Live” skits.

Actually, I didn’t mention the comedy costume to the employee. The sting operation was going badly enough.

The bee (yes!) attacked my ring finger on the left hand, and it was swelling and turning red.

“We have to fill out a report,” said the employee.

“Don’t want to.”

“Have to. It’s store policy.”

He told me to wait there while he fetched the proper forms.

The man with the papers returned quickly. The question/answer session went well until he asked for my Social Security number .I’ve been told it’s not a good idea to share that number so I wouldn’t.

He didn’t argue about it – probably because he wanted to finish the paper work and get me out of there.

Meanwhile, the man in charge of the produce section was probing the apple box.

“Are you sure it was a bee? I don’t see no bee.”

I told him that, after the sting, the bee had made a bee line out of there.

He didn’t smile.

Maybe he was afraid I’d sue the store, remembering the woman who sued McDonald’s years ago when scalded by hot coffee.

I wouldn’t think of suing. The sting was something that was strictly between me and the bee. It wasn’t the store’s fault.

Although my finger hurt badly, I resumed shopping, guiding the grocery cart with one hand, up one aisle and down another. Reaching for a box of crackers, I suddenly jumped out of the way as countless boxes of Waverlys, Wheat Thins, Ritzes and saltines came tumbling down. I still don’t know what I did to cause that.

A nearby shopper had to move out of the way to avoid the cracker crash, too. Coincidentally, she was the one who saw me in pain in the produce section.

As the last box of crackers hit the floor, she observed, “This isn’t your day, is it.”

Collecting cracker boxes with one hand, I mumbled, “I think I should just go home.”

And she said, “You should have never left home.”



© Wanda Orton Baytown Sun Columnist, November 1, 2014 column
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