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AIDA
LOTT
The Masked Mystery Gourmet
Texas
Escapes Food Editor |
Aida Lott
is the nom d'plume of Clifton Stonecipher III, who himself is a pseudonym
for yet another staff member who shall remain anonymous.
The advantage
of a cross-gender restaurant reviewer is you have a person who is equally at home
in a tearoom or a truckstop, one who can literally eat pounds of meat and still
critique the salad bar.
Physically, Aida/Clifton describes her/himself
as having the physique of Chef Boyardee with the petiteness of Julia Child. |
| | Aida
checks weight of moon pies at last year's Oktoberfest. |
CHILDHOOD: THE MAKING OF AN OMNIVORE
Rumored to be the lovechild of Uncle Ben and Betty Crocker, Aida/Clifton
was abandoned behind a bakery in Dallas and was raised by Mrs. Baird. She even
crossed paths with ‘Little Debbie' when they both received electric shock therapy
in the 1950's.
An unhappy teenage marriage to The Green Giant failed
to bear fruit. As Aida puts it, "His heart was all man, but I knew in his
head he'd always be a vegetable."
This brief liaison left Aida not
only confused about gender but phylum as well.
After years of eating
disorders and a diet of nothing but tubers ("I was trying to get back to
my roots") we are glad to say Aida is well and on our staff.
When not
reviewing restaurants, Aida loves to bake for the staff here at Texas Escapes.
Ironically, although she is wealthy (a trust fund from her uncle General
Mills), we hired her because she kneads the dough.
1998
© John Troesser
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