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It's
time for another installment of "Places you should visit before your
loved ones start picking out your burial underwear!"
Recently, my wife and I took a trip to Birmingham, Alabama, to attend
the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' annual convention so
that I could collect another "leg lamp" for humor writing. "It's a
major award!"
The drive from East Texas
to Birmingham was a bladder-bloating 7 ½ hours, so we treated ourselves
to several stops at convenience store restrooms along the way. I've
found that interstate restrooms offer a true sense of an area's distinctive
character—and you can usually wash it off if you use enough hot
water and antibacterial soap.
When we finally pulled into the picturesque city nestled amid the
foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, we were starving—as usual.
And because we wanted to try some regional cuisine that truly represents
the unique culture of the Deep South, we naturally chose a Tex-Mex
chain restaurant.
In fact, I read that that Birmingham is sometimes called "The Magic
City" because of how quickly the former industrial powerhouse grew
after its founding, but I'm now convinced that the name represents
the fact that it hosts two of my favorite Mexican restaurant franchises
(Chuy's and Superior Grill) within 3 ½ miles of each other. Abracadabra,
indeed!
When we returned to our Double Tree hotel after supper, the clerk
presented each of us with a famous (and warm) Double Tree cookie.
Unable to resist such unhealthy deliciousness, I inhaled mine in the
elevator, and because I'm always looking out for my lovely wife's
best interests, I waited until she was in the shower to eat hers.
The next day, we took a whirlwind guided history tour of the city,
the highlight of which (besides the included snacks) was a stroll
around Kelly Ingram Park and a visit to the 16th Street
Baptist Church— "ground zero" for the civil rights struggle
in America. The whole area has a powerfully sacred aura about it,
and I was so moved by the history and symbolism of the place that
I actually forgot about eating—briefly. |
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The historic
16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, AL
Jase Graves
photo, June 2022 |
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Speaking of eating,
we also visited the historic Alabama Peanut Company where we
sampled some quintessentially southern boiled peanuts. This was my
second time to try them, and they are still the least peanutty-tasting,
peanut-shaped things I've ever eaten—other than those orange
marshmallow candy circus peanuts that are like chewing on a banana-flavored
flip-flop. Boiled peanuts are similar in taste and texture to cooked
beans—if beans had to be eaten two at a time and came in a soggy,
inedible shell full of saline solution.
We found ourselves snackless again when the tour took us to the Sloss
Furnaces National Historic Landmark—because who doesn't want
to explore a delipidated industrial complex that looks like the ideal
location for a serial murder? Seriously, though, the hulking and labyrinthine
site was magnificent—even in its state of rusted ruin, and learning
about the countless laborers who spent decades in the oppressive heat
and noise of the enormous furnaces reminded me of why I became an
English major. |
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Sloss Furnaces
National Historic Landmark
Jase Graves
photo, June 2022 |
The world's
largest cast iron statue in Vulcan Park
Jase Graves
photo, June 2022 |
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The last stop
on our tour was Vulcan Park, situated atop Red Mountain and
featuring the world's largest cast iron statue, depicting Vulcan,
Roman god of iron, the forge and, based on his rear view, pantlessness.
The park offers an impressive cityscape view for those visitors
who are able to avert their eyes from Vulcan's massive metallic
badonkadonk.
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Author receiving
2022 NSNC award
Jase Graves
photo, June 2022 |
After the tour,
we attended the NSNC awards banquet where we had a flavorful meal
of baked salmon and white beans (or maybe they were boiled peanuts)
and were honored to visit with legendary columnists from around the
country, some of whom even applauded an East Texas goofball when I
received my award.
Our weekend getaway to Birmingham was fun and enlightening for my
wife and me, and I'm hopeful that she'll forget all about the cookie
incident before she starts picking out my burial underwear.
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